I don’t know why but tonight I wanted to go to the 806 and drink a cup of house and sit at that stupid table with that weird thumb-shaped dude wearing a monocle painted on it. Remember that table? It used to be in the old green-room before it became the smoker’s room and there’s a picture of me floating around somewhere wearing a hoodie and drawing at that table. And on it. I drew on it once.
That fucking table is sticky now I actually hate it. Remember the table they pasted clippings from Dante’s Inferno and random other oddities?? It started to bubble at some point and people picked the paper away. Now it’s covered in pennies with a hard, glossy lacquer on top.
I don’t know why I’m going on about tables….but for some reason they remind me of gone days. That’s fucking stupid. I know.
So I’m sitting at this damn ugly-ass table I’ve seen here since I was 17 reading up on American Art Glass for my independent studies and people I….we….used to know walk in and they see me and smile. And I dunno….but it bothers me that they don’t ask about you at all. Not once. Not anymore. Not for a long time now.
You’re gone. Literally. None of these people utter your name or even act like they knew you. People who used to tell me what a great guy you were. If anything, it made me sad for you. Not pity, I don’t mean it like that….just this was your home once. This town. You grew up here and haunted these streets and drank the coffee in this place at this exact fugly-ass table that I’m sitting at doing research and now your name doesn’t belong here anymore.
And isn’t it futile to try to connect to places and people? They all forget your face and your name and move on. Maybe I should too. I don’t really want to. I still have an image of you sitting across this table with a yellow mechanical pencil in your hand. I’ll hold on to that image forever.
I think I do it in your honor because though I loved you more than myself once and broke your heart, you’re still my closest friend. That will never change like the tops of the tables at this coffee shop do.